Could It Be Different?

by The Spook School

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1.
03:13
How’d you learn to be like that? Where’d you learn to spin those little lies? Does it not tire you out? Does it not come back to haunt you? You helped me grow thicker skin And now I know all your little signs Guess I should give you that Since it’s all you’ll ever give me And I let you Mess me around Too many times No more Fuck you I’m still alive Fuck you I’m still alive Fuck you I’m still alive And I’m not going anywhere with you What do you tell yourself? How do you get to sleep at night? Do you have regrets at all? Or do they just wash off you? You wanted me to feel small But I was strong enough to see through you It took me far too long To say goodbye baby
2.
You’ve been having these dreams About finding a hiding place A place to hide your face But today you seem stuck You find it hard to say no With the best of intentions Everything you’ve got Is everything they’re taking Everything you’ve got Is everything they’re taking This is your space This is the best place This is yours But they won’t let you stay If you love then you love If you don’t then you don’t Don’t want to have to rush self-discovery Want to kiss without query Want to love without question You’ve got the best of intentions
3.
You say you wish that you had gone out more While you had the chance The ones you envy are kept up at night By parallel remarks You’re arguing with no one When you say that it’s not fair Don’t tell yourself to run ahead And that you’ll meet you there You never said You never said You never thought you needed to You never said You never said You know full well you need to It’s alright now Not what you hoped but that’s ok Teenage hopes are never Less than perfect anyway I hold my breath when you say You thought of me Cause I worry it reminds you more Of who I’d like to be But we’re made of puzzle pieces And I hope that I am right When I guess the parts you recognise Could be the parts you like I never said I never said I never thought I needed to I never said I never said I know full well I need to
4.
We were friends With a feeling of permanence Spoke everyday Got lost in each other’s arms Now I write And I hope you get my letters And you don’t wish They were from someone better We were so naive We were so together We were so young Full of false dreams of forever Everybody changes Some things stay the same We still keep in touch But you don’t call my name Everybody changes Some things stay the same We still keep in touch But you don’t call my name I hope the things that I didn’t say Don’t hurt you too You went abroad Teaching English as a foreign language So far away Now I never see you face to face Keep in touch with pictures Keep in touch with postcards And every message sent Is short and sweet and gone
5.
03:51
It’s been a bad year And I don’t think it’s getting any better Any time soon And I’m so scared of what is coming I don’t know what to do I want to help I want all of my friends Not to be terrified I need to understand And not give in to the anger that’s inside I admire your optimism But sometimes I just need to feel it Just need to take a moment Before I can start dealing And I admire your optimism But sometimes I just need to feel it I just need to feel it It’s been a bad year It’s been a bad year And it’s hurt so many people Way more than I can understand But I keep thinking of myself Cause I’m such a selfish man Keep making lists of how to help But not getting a thing done And I believed you when you said that This day would never come It’s been a bad year Tomorrow we’ll wake up And keep on going
6.
I said let's pretend the world's alright Let's pretend we’re doing fine For fifteen seconds at a time And I won't cry if you won't cry What will happen to me when the ice gets thin? I don't even feel comfortable in my skin But with you I feel alright Sometimes With you I feel alright Sometimes You said you've got no reason to hide Don't say I love you cause I'm far too shy But I think it all of the time We're just two queers with broken minds And being sad is part of being alive And we can't keep fighting every single night And it's alright to cry Sometimes It’s alright to cry Sometimes
7.
Wasn’t going out tonight Didn’t have a stitch to wear But then Josie said you’d be there So I threw on a jumper Sipping cola sitting on the sofa I could barely fit in Then you move into the kitchen And then I feel the hunger I only say what I want you to hear I only drink your favourite beer I’m only here cause I heard you were here But I only dance when I want to I only dance when I wanna dance I only dance when I wanna dance I only dance when I wanna dance I only dance when I want to Sipping cola cornered by the toaster You with a bottle of gin I like the way you’re moving But why don’t you ask me? You say ‘it’s my favourite song’ You’ve said that about every one And you’re reaching for my hands now But I don’t wanna dance now You think you’ve got this hold on me But I’m in control I’ll make you see Just because you’ve brought me to my knees Won’t get on my feet when you say so Friends are strewn across the floor You’re out cold by the bathroom door So I throw off my jumper Jump up on the sofa Look at me, yeah, Watch me twist again, yeah, Does it remind you of last summer? And I know that it’s winter But I’ll dance if I wanna
8.
I heard that you’re engaged now The news shouldn’t have stung It’s been years since we were together And I really have moved on I’m a whole different person You’re not inclined that way Would be weird to think we could work out What would you even think of me? But sometimes I miss you And the times that we shared And I hope she loves you Like I couldn’t do I know that I confuse you You thought you’d done something wrong Just in love with a person Who didn’t exist in that shape or form I’m sorry that I hurt you And that I pushed you away And that I didn’t trust you enough To think that you could deal with me But sometimes I miss you And the times that we shared I’m not saying they were all good I’m just saying I cared And I hope she loves you Like I couldn’t do
9.
While you were sleeping Wondered what it was That you had been anticipating I’ve been here before It always ends in tears and someone wondering What they have done wrong And I don’t wanna tell you Don’t want to have to tell you It doesn’t get better than this Not scared to say that You’re my perfect set of circumstances But I’m so scared of what comes next When I’ll finally learn Ideals alone will never fix this And I don’t wanna tell you Don’t want to have to tell you Could it be different with you? I don’t wanna tell you I don’t like to hold a grudge But if he could see me now I’m sure he would repeat his actions And maybe you should know But I just hope this time That it won’t be so pertinent Maybe you should know
10.
03:19
Do you like the way you look naked? I don’t know if any of us do And I still hate my body But I’m learning to love what it can do Do you believe me when I tell you you’re beautiful? Cause I know I don’t believe you And I still hate my body But I’m learning to love what it can do Other people seem so confident Don’t know how they do it You’ve got a lot to be proud of I’ve got a lot to be proud of I keep pretending to miss your calls Cause it’s the easiest thing to do And I still hate my body But I’m learning to love what it can do You’ve been giving me nothing but kind words Maybe we can make it through And I still hate my body But I’m learning to love what it can do Are you ok now? Do you feel alright? Why did you say You want to die?
11.
03:58
If I played sports in high school Would we still be friends? Would I still write music? Would I be different? Would I have thought you were uncool? Would you have hated me? Would we still read the same books, Would you even talk to me? And if I played sports in high school Would I be confident? Would I have thought more of myself? Had more self-respect? And if I played sports in high school Would I have wasted less time? Would I have come out earlier Or would I keep it inside? And I’m not saying I regret the old days Can’t take back The choices that I made I guess I wouldn’t want to anyway I just can’t help looking back and wondering If I played sports in high school Would I even like me? Would I be someone to be proud of Or just this mess that you see? Would I have told you I loved you? And would that even be true? Would you have left me all the same If I played sports in high school? I just can’t help looking back and wondering.

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released January 26, 2018

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